IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantage of change outweighs the disadvantages?

#change #people #advantage
In the modern world,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation finds that
changes
 are vital in one's
life
 while the old generation
people
 are more
sticked
Correct your spelling
stuck
show examples
 to the same conventional routines. I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of having
changes
 in
life
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
To begin
 with,
firstly
, everyone
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 some kind of different atmosphere from
this
 mechanical world so that they could relax for a period of
time
. Most of the
people
 plan long trips in order to escape from the
frustruations
Correct your spelling
frustrations
frustration
 and tensions whereas other
people
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 for family trips so that the whole family could have a good
time
.
For instance
, a
bollywood
Change the capitalization
Bollywood
Hollywood
show examples
 film star in India travels around one month every year
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his bike before he resumes his career, which provides
him
Verify preposition usage
withhim
show examples
 more relief and helps him to conceive the character effortlessly.
Secondly
,
changes
 are essential even in the food we consume daily. Following the same diet for a long period of
time
 could make someone bored, so
this
 boredom could be discarded by adding and trying new types of food.
For example
, during the
time
 at the college, I used to try different dishes like Indian and Chinese in order to avoid the repetition in
life
 which gave me a pleasant feeling.
However
, there are some disadvantages as well.
On the other hand
, in business, for experiencing something different
people
 usually quit their jobs and try to be an entrepreneur as most of them regret taking
this
 decision in their
life
 later when they face challenges. Old
people
 discourage individuals
on
Verify preposition usage
from
show examples
 taking risks in their
life
 and suggests
people
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
be satisfied with what they have received in
life
.
As a result
,
this
 would help them to get settled in their
life
quickly
Replace the word
quicker
show examples
 than others. To illustrate, one of my
collegue
Correct your spelling
colleague
colleagues
college
 started his own hotel as he was really fond of preparing and serving dishes, but had to sell his hotel due to the mismanagement of money. In conclusion, I believe merits far outweigh the demerits
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 experiencing a change in
life
 even though some
people
 claim that
changes
 have detrimental effects on peoples
life
.
Submitted by Ashith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: