IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #culture #ages
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It is claimed that
music
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 is a global language and its advancement throughout
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last
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the last
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 few decades has made it surpass the original territorial boundaries. A common opinion is that it is one of the best ways to unite
people
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 worldwide irrespective of their age and cultural beliefs. I do agree with
this
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 statement to a great extent. There are several reasons to support
this
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 view.
First
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,
wide
Correct article usage
the wide
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 availability of international
music
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, which is considered a combination of several
music
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 traditions, makes the world seem more uniform than ever.
Such
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music
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, which does not belong to any specific culture, can entertain everyone as the composition is quite different
to
Verify preposition usage
from
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 what
people
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 have experienced already. Meanwhile,
this
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 phenomenon will stop us
overrating
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from overrating
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 our own
music
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 genres as the worlds’ best; rather, it will certainly strengthen our perception of belonging to a global community.
Secondly
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, the peoples’ minds can be motivated to explore, value and respect other different cultures and societies by listening to different kinds of
music
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.
For instance
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, anyone who is highly interested in North Indian Hindusthani
music
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,
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apply
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 will be inspired to discover how it is bound with the everyday life of Indians.
Furthermore
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
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 claim that
music
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 usually evokes past memories, which help them enter their childhood or youth in minds that will ease the interactions between various age groups.
To
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On
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 the contrary, there are drawbacks
in
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to
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this
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 concept as well. It is a fact that the traditional
music
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 of a particular country is strongly bound with its ideology and cultural beliefs, as an inevitable part of its heritage, which should be preserved. The over presence and overrate of varying genres of
music
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 can lead to underestimation and negligence of traditional
music
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;
consequently
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, traditional values. I am certain that within the
next
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 century the whole world will have become a global village and
lack
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a lack
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 of self-identity and uniqueness will hardly benefit any nation, in that context. To sum up,
Music
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 has been changing and improving since the origin of humankind and
this
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 pleasurable experience is a great way to harmonize the
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of age and cultural backgrounds, if it is used in the appropriate manner.
Submitted by gayamadu8181 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
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