IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

How do you think graduate degree can help achieve carrier goals?

#graduate #carrier #goals
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[Career development is a continuous process of handling proactively
work
Use synonyms
 and changes in life in order to move forward and reach the
goals
Use synonyms
 set for a better future. No success story is without some level of challenge and hard
work
Use synonyms
. Higher education helps me prepare for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
work
Use synonyms
 by teaching me how to learn, how to manage my time, how to map out my
goals
Use synonyms
, how to deal with pressure, how to stay organised and how to deal with stress. Once
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
complete my studies and enter the working world,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will be far better equipped to deal with whatever challenges come my way.
As a result
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 be primed to succeed - even when things get tough. It involves learning new
skills
Use synonyms
, moving up in the position within the organization or altogether moving to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 organization or even starting up a new business. A career development plan is created to set
goals
Use synonyms
 and how to reach these
goals
Use synonyms
 using your talents and
skills
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 in the working world. After the completion of my Graduate degree, I will be able to improve my
skills
Use synonyms
 of communication, critical thinking and administrative competencies. It will give me
focus
Correct article usage
the focus
show examples
 to choose my career and effectively shape my future. My aim is to improve and develop
the
Change the word
my
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 in order to deliver the best possible care
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
contribute
myself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
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 a healthier place and come up with innovative ideas to manage
healthcare
Use synonyms
 settings. As I went through the brochure and reviews, it is sure that I
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
also
Linking Words
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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my
goals
Use synonyms
. I would like to settle in Canada by applying for the PR and
register
Wrong verb form
registering
show examples
 in the NNAS
for working
Change preposition
to work
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 there as
RN
Correct article usage
an RN
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/LPN.
Also
Linking Words
, I will be getting the Master's degree, which I value the most. The practical sessions and
fieldworks
Fix the agreement mistake
fieldwork
show examples
 will definitely improve my communication
as well as
Linking Words
 critical thinking
skills
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. I will
also
Linking Words
 get a chance to experience and cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the culture and traditions of Canada, which will help me in my field. My leadership qualities will definitely improve
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, thereby polishing my
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 and critical thinking abilities. My objective is to be a
Healthcare
Use synonyms
 Services Administrator of a
healthcare
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 organization
such
Linking Words
 as
Add an article
a
show examples
hospital or public health department. My degree
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Administrative Science with
specialization
Correct article usage
a specialization
show examples
 in Global Health and Human Services will help me to develop
skills
Use synonyms
 to manage a
healthcare
Use synonyms
 facility effectively and efficiently, as well as my human resources
skills
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 will help me manage and
work
Use synonyms
 with people.
This
Linking Words
 will guide me to achieve my objective of outshining in life and working for the betterment of people and me. And
also
Linking Words
 it's my privilege to pursue my studies in
such
Linking Words
 an honourable institution.]
Submitted by neenafrancis941 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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