IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic success. Some even debate on the pros and cons of long working
hours
Use synonyms
. I strongly disagree with the idea that extending working
hours
Use synonyms
 will accelerate a nation`s economy.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic success is based on multiple factors
such
Linking Words
 as resources, technology development, industrial foundations, etc.
For instance
Linking Words
, countries like Bangladesh have one of the longest working
hours
Use synonyms
 per capita in the world yet still struggled with poverty. Germany,
on the other hand
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, with its outstanding performance of machinery, has created a postindustrial working environment where
a
Correct article usage
apply
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lower working
Use synonyms
hours
Correct the article-noun agreement
hour
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 is applied. Germany is one of the developed countries with
a
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apply
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significant economic success in the world.
Furthermore
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, the working
hours
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 at present are way less compared with that of 150 years ago while people are surely wealthier than 150 years ago.
Secondly
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, longer working
hours
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 reflect
lower
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the lower
a lower
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 value of
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
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 force.
This
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 means that individual needs to work longer to earn the same amount of income. It might lead to an unbalanced lifestyle, depression,
stress related
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stress-related
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 diseases or other unexpected chain reactions.
For example
Linking Words
, many are arguing about
low
Add an article
the low
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 birth rate in a variety of countries. If women need to devote themselves
in
Verify preposition usage
to
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the
Change the word
their
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 career in order to maintain the same income level as before, there will be no time left for pregnancy or family raising.
This
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 is a vicious circle that our society might face a labour shortage in the future. In sum, long working
hours
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 might not precede an economy boost; they will increase the burden on the whole society
in contrast
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.
Instead
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 of expressing ideas like delaying retirement or extending working
hours
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, it`s better for the governments to take action to strengthen countries’ industrial foundation. By doing so we can make sure that our society remains healthy and developed.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
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