More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle

#children #countries #effects #knowle

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In rich

nations

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more and more

children

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are becoming obese due to the kind of

life

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syle

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style

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the

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they

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are leading.

This

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is mainly because of

sedentary

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the sedentary

a sedentary

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lifestyle and the consumption of unhealthy foods.

This

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essay will explore these causes in detail below giving the negative results they bring.

To begin

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with, in

this

Linking Words

modern time a lot of

children

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spend their time indoors playing games on their

smart phones

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smartphones

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

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or watching television.

For example

Linking Words

, these young

children

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are doing online school and after

school

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,school

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they will just

countinue

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continue

to use their gadgets to play games.

Therefore

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they do not have time to exercise by moving around or playing outside which will result in them

bieng

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being

overweight.

Furthermore

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,eating junk foods on a daily basis because it is readily available and affordable in wealthy

nations

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further

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worsens the problem.

This

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is because these foods have a lot of calories which are not good for consumption. A number of

children

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fall victims

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show examples

this

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unhealthy

liiving

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living

result in them being obese. Following the above discussion,

obsesity

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obesity

in young individuals will mainly lead to

boring

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a boring

show examples

life

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In other words

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, they will fail to enjoy

life

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Replace the word

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other

children

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, as they will be inactive . A lot of

children

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who face bullying in developed

nations

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are overweight , they will

also

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feel neglected and fail to mingle with their peers.

As a result

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self esteem

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self-esteem

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is compromised which does not only affect their childhood but adult

life

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as well. Effects of

obestity

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obesity

are so detrimental to individuals day to day living. To conclude, young people in wealthy

nations

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fell prey to unhealthy lifestyle naturally which will cause them to live an

unpleasanty

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unpleasant

unpleasantly

childhood. Adults had a role of monitoring their

Correct your spelling

children's

children

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

way of living so that they will adhere to healthy ways of

life

Use synonyms

Submitted by maereseratariro on Wed Mar 17 2021

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle

Your opinion

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, services, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

While recruting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

Task 1: People in your area are having problems with their internet connection. Write a letter to the company which provides the connection. In your letter: - describe the problems; - explain how it is affecting people; - say what the company should do to help.