More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle

#children #countries #effects #knowle

In rich

nations

more and more

children

are becoming obese due to the kind of

life

syle

Correct your spelling

style

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

are leading.

This

is mainly because of

sedentary

Add an article

the sedentary

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle and the consumption of unhealthy foods.

This

essay will explore these causes in detail below giving the negative results they bring.

To begin

with, in

this

modern time a lot of

children

spend their time indoors playing games on their

smart phones

Correct your spelling

smartphones

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

or watching television.

For example

, these young

children

are doing online school and after

school

Add a comma

,school

show examples

they will just

countinue

Correct your spelling

continue

to use their gadgets to play games.

Therefore

they do not have time to exercise by moving around or playing outside which will result in them

bieng

Correct your spelling

being

overweight.

Furthermore

,eating junk foods on a daily basis because it is readily available and affordable in wealthy

nations

further

worsens the problem.

This

is because these foods have a lot of calories which are not good for consumption. A number of

children

fall victims

Change preposition

show examples

this

unhealthy

liiving

Correct your spelling

living

result in them being obese. Following the above discussion,

obsesity

Correct your spelling

obesity

in young individuals will mainly lead to

boring

Add an article

a boring

show examples

life

In other words

, they will fail to enjoy

life

Replace the word

show examples

other

children

, as they will be inactive . A lot of

children

who face bullying in developed

nations

are overweight , they will

also

feel neglected and fail to mingle with their peers.

As a result

self esteem

Add a hyphen

self-esteem

show examples

is compromised which does not only affect their childhood but adult

life

as well. Effects of

obestity

Correct your spelling

obesity

are so detrimental to individuals day to day living. To conclude, young people in wealthy

nations

fell prey to unhealthy lifestyle naturally which will cause them to live an

unpleasanty

Correct your spelling

unpleasant

unpleasantly

childhood. Adults had a role of monitoring their

Correct your spelling

children's

children

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

way of living so that they will adhere to healthy ways of

life

Submitted by maereseratariro on Wed Mar 17 2021

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle

Your opinion

Globalizaion is creating a world with a single culture and destroying national identity in the process. To what extent do you agree or disagree

ome people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

For centuries, important parts of education have remained, such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made us a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree?