IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

There is no need to attend a live performance (a play or concert) because seeing it at home on television is better. To what extend to you agree or disagree ?

#live #performance #play #concert #home #television
It is suggested that going to a
live
performance
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, a play or concert is unnecessary because viewing it on
television
 is better. I disagree with
this
 point of view as I believe that, experiencing a
performance
 in person, is valuable than watching it at
home
.
To begin
 with, a
live
performance
 simply means any play, show, skit, dance, or other exhibition performed or presented to or before an audience of one or more, with or without consideration. It was created as an avenue for relaxation and socializing.
Therefore
 attending a
live
performance
 is very different in comparison to watching it on
television
.
For example
, I have been privileged to attend a rock concert and I must say that the energy was unexplainable, we all were in awe of our
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 band members, the energy they brought to the stage was palpable, I bonded with total strangers in a short period of time. Overall I left that experience a different person because I realized I got the full experience as compared to watching it at
home
 on the
television
, till
this
 day I still remember the electrifying feeling being in that moment brought.
Furthermore
, attending these
live
 performances ignites an indescribable feeling that might not be replicated or felt watching the same show at
home
.
Also
, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom and release that comes with seeing a good
live
performance
.
This
 feeling
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could set the tone for your week and future endeavours because you would most certainly get inspired
from
Verify preposition usage
by
show examples
 watching other people pursue their dreams and showcase their talents. In conclusion, watching a
live
performance
 is better in person than viewing it on the
television
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, there are advantages to staying at
home
 like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfort and safety, attending a
live
 show presents long- term benefits of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Submitted by ochuksemeordiblessing on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: