IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people feel that young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others, however, believe that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #society #individuals
Some
people
 argue that traditions in
society
 should be followed by youngsters.
The
Change preposition
On the
show examples
 other views, they have a right to live in their own ways.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the arguments, personally, I will
also
 explain why both vital elements for youngsters On the one hand, some traditional value
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 certainly applicable to the modern world.
To begin
 with,
actually
Add a comma
,actually
show examples
 some activities day-to-day like
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greeting culture with
older
Add an article
an older
the older
show examples
 person to show respect toward them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is a cultural tradition from generation to generation.
This
 is especially true for relations between multi-generation in a family as well as
society
.
Moreover
, it is important to dress modestly in the special place of worship as church, temples,
this
 shows appreciation for God or their ancestors.
Although
society
 changes,
people
 should remain some traditional values
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 cannot change, it is a foundation rule necessary in their life.
On the other hand
, in spite of some values of the other view given about, I believe that youngers
also
 should be free to do anything that they want appropriately.
Firstly
, young
people
 are living in a fast-paced world very different from the old generations, almost the culture and tradition are outdated,
therefore
, unfaired to them follow.
That is
 the reasons, changing their lifestyles is one of the light
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 to assist young generations from fast adapting to new environments and developing, even able to enhance their innovation and creativity.
Secondly
, removing barriers from
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
social and old-fashioned prejudice will lead to gender
equally
Replace the word
equality
show examples
 in youngsters.
For example
, As a default, women continue to form a large majority of the working poor, earn less income, voiceless than men,
therefore
, girl teenagers should have their own roads to prove the position and power of women in
society
 today. In conclusion, good traditions should be passed on and young
people
 should respect these traditions, but they should combine with their innovation new things. I concede that each view
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their meaning, so balancing it can become a perfect person.
Submitted by minhkhoi1099 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: