IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

While mobile phones have many advantages a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used. What are some of those problems? What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems.

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Today, one can not think
life
Change preposition
of life

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 without a mobile, as there are
plathora
Correct your spelling
plethora

The word plathora is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

of benefits
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we can not ignore the drawback arisen due to it and in the manner of its usage.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay would discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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the problems of it and the probable solutions for the same. There are mainly two types of drawbacks.
First
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, its rays are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to

The preposition for after the adjective harmful may be incorrect. Consider changing it to another preposition.

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 the brain, and
human
Correct article usage
the human

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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 memory system and
Second
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, its
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 while walking or driving becomes
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason

The noun phrase reason seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 for
number
Change the article
a number
the number

It appears that the phrase number does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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 of accidents.
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we have read a number of time in the newspaper that while driving a vehicle driver loses his balance as he was using his mobile and thrashes people who
walks
Change the verb form
walk

The singular verb walks does not appear to agree with the plural subject people. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 along the road. To reduce the harmful rays, the
law maker
Correct your spelling
lawmaker

The word law maker seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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 should draft policies of mobile manufacturing in a way that endanger the public at least possible manner and for the
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of cell phone while driving, walking and running, the technology should
built
Change the verb form
build

The verb built after the modal verb should does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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 and fit in a vehicle so that a person cannot
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 it when he is on the vehicle. To illustrate, there is a technology in the new cars that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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ring siren when the driver does not tie the seat belt. To conclude,
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun use in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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proper
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of mobile can be beneficial
whearas
Correct your spelling
whereas

The word whearas is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 may cause
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a big problem.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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