IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think the most importaant about being rich is that it gives an opportunity to help other Do you agrre or disagree?

#people #importaant #opportunity #agrre
Many
people
 believe that being rich will create a chance for individuals to assist other
people
. I agree with
this
 opinion
due to
 a large financial capacity can bridge the gap between the rich and the poor to reduce the criminal rate and
also
 improve the quality of residential life. It is vital to understand
money
 can prevent the poor from committing the crime. To explain
further
, the poor do not have many chances for to exposure education or modern knowledge leading to a decrease in the employment rates and stability in in job security. For that reason, many
people
 will tend to step into guilty ways to make a living, but if the rich make charity to help them by using
money
 to solve their economic problems, the poor can
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in school for academic study which will keep them in the correct line.
As a result
, everyone will have a stable job and growth mindset for defining in positive ways. Another key component of the case for spending
money
 on assisting
people
 is developing remote areas. It can be known that when investing
money
 in those places, more infrastructure and facilities will be built that can attract
people
 in the big cities moving for living, in a result, there will be a dramatical reduction in some problems happening in rural areas
such
 as traffic congestion and space for living. Not only that, there will be more work for residents causing the employment rate to go up with the expansion of the industry. In conclusion, using the
money
 for support can control the percentage of
people
 committing guilty problems by exposure to academic knowledge and
also
 create more jobs thanks to the scatter of some companies.
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task achievement
Be careful about grammatical mistakes and lexical choices. Ensuring clarity in expression can help in making your ideas more comprehensible.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to reinforce your arguments. This will make the points more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with a single main idea in each. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using repetitive phrases and maintain a smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and the overall argument aligns well with the task prompt.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and attempts to provide a thorough response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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