IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that governments should invest more money in public transportation instead of building new roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is increasingly common to see overcrowded cities in need of an efficient public transportation
system
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as well as
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 new roads.
While
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 some people claim that more money should be spent on building new streets, highways and routes, I strongly believe that the transport
system
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 should be prioritised because it provides the means for students and workers to get to school and workplaces every day.
To begin
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 with, one major problem associated with building infrastructure is the incentives for authorities to divert funds to other short-term political projects.
Additionally
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,
this
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 was the case with the highway from Buenos Aires to La Pampa, the number 5 National Road, which should have been built 10 years ago.
This
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 can largely be attributed to the absence of an appropriate accountability mechanism to make officials responsible for their actions, at least in Latin-American countries. A
further
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 consideration is the
time
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 needed to build large infrastructure projects
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
last
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 for a decade,
while
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 improving what already exists could be considerably faster.
Secondly
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, governments should make people’s lives easier, and that could be achieved through improving the current transit
system
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 so users can take advantage of it.
Furthermore
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, students need to reduce commuting
time
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 to study
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while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 workers need to reduce it to spend
time
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 with their families. More tellingly, many young employees are experiencing burnout syndrome, depression and anxiety disorders because of long working hours, which makes it virtually impossible to find a healthy work-life balance. Improving the transport
system
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 could mean increasing the frequency of buses,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 them more comfortable and environmentally friendly.
Subsequently
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, public authorities could
also
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 include new ways for existing units of transportation. In conclusion, despite the public transportation
system
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 being challenging for every society, a comprehensive and wide-ranging perspective is required. I strongly believe that officials should focus on improving the current
system
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, because that would make it easier for students and workers to move around the city without wasting
time
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in each body part. You say public transport is better, but some points talk about road building problems more than your main view.
task response
Add one more direct example of how better public transport helps people and the city. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain some ideas more fully. For example, say exactly how better buses or trains cut travel time and help daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some words like 'more tellingly' and 'subsequently' sound forced and do not fit fully.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph. The first body paragraph mixes road funding, politics, and building time, so the focus is not fully tight.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few sentences do not flow in a smooth way, so the reader must work harder to follow the point.
task response
Your introduction gives a clear opinion and answers the question.
task response
You cover the topic in a full way and stay on the main subject.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main idea and the order is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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