IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

1. In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world #people #food #products #animals #medicine
Science and technology have been developing nowadays, which can produce synthetic products in the food, fashion or medicine industries. Human replaces using animal's parts with faux ones.
However
, I would believe that the needs for products from animals on human still remains. On the one hand, there is a thing that not all the plants can replace
such
 as food.
For example
, meat provides a lot of protein, calcium and vitamin. People might get them from vegetables but they have to consume a large and various quantity to receive the same.
Moreover
, the taste and texture totally are different and it is difficult to eat for children. Especially, the best source of calcium is milk from cows for babies and youngsters which is irreplaceable by almonds milk or soy milk.
Next
, for the medicine, some ingredients can be extracted from trees but some can only get it from wild creatures. Like when people got bitten by snakes, they have to use a serum from snakes to stimulate the immune system solely. And animals still have an important role in many experiments for researchers to improve and invent vaccines and drugs for the
next
 generation.
On the other hand
, thank
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the advancement of technology, fashion goods
such
 as bags can be produced from fabric and vegan leather. There is no longer
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to haunt wildlife just to use their skins. Anyway, people think it is not durable and sustainable like others believe. As they know the leather from plants is not water-resistant and it cannot be used for a long period. Plus, it might destroy ecology than using animals. Overall, in my personal point of view, I think some kinds of stuff might be replaced by synthetic ones but some are really not like food and medicine. In the
next
 years, animal products still are essential for human and they might be more eco-friendly than using a number of plants and technology to make vegan stuff.
Submitted by eveeee.ai on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • ethical alternatives
  • global demand
  • genetic engineering
  • synthetic biology
  • plant-based diets
  • environmental footprint
  • veganism
  • biotechnology
  • cultural sensitivity
  • economic viability
  • lab-grown meat
  • synthetic materials
  • global infrastructure
  • consumer habits
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