Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throghout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Nowadays, one of the most complication of
this
new “Development Era” is represented by childhood obesity.
This
phenomenon is relevant primarily in developed countries, where the amount of obesity in young ages will grow up rapidly in the
next
years, according to USA researchers. For
this
reason, people argue that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and
colleges
. I personally agree with
this
statement and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will try to justify why I think that it could be the
first
step to solve
this
enormous question.
First
of all, it is true that if advertising is refused in
colleges
or schools, it would not represent the real solution to
this
issue, but it is absolutely a measure that school authority must take to start to circumscribing
this
issue.
This
because it is known that young people spend a lot of hours of their daily routine in school and for
this
reason, schools and
colleges
are responsible for their education
also
in term of healthy life and food.
Secondly
, institute and
colleges
should promote advertising from healthy food companies and
also
from the gym or sports companies that could passionate
our
Change preposition
about our
show examples
children in order to stay
in activity
Correct your spelling
inactivity
show examples
.
Finally
,
from
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
this
essay is possible to recognize that reduce childhood obesity is a complicated issue and it needs the involvement of school authorities to fight
this
significant obstacle of our generation.
Submitted by lorenzomonacourro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: