Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others ,however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Governments attach importance to public
health
for the
Remove the article
apply
people
to live prosperity. Some people
claim that the most important part of being a health
person is Replace the word
healthy
sports
and its facilities should improve and increase more than others. On the other hand
, others say that the way of improving health
level has other important ways instead
of sports
. I agree with these people
.
It can not be denied that doing sports
and exercise has a massive good impact on our body because these aid us to refrain from sedentary
lifestyle. If governments increase the local parks or gyms , Add an article
a sedentary
active
Correct article usage
an active
life style
will Correct your spelling
lifestyle
be emerged
because free things attract Change to the active voice
emerge
have emerged
people
more.To exemplify, sedentary
lifestyle leads Correct article usage
a sedentary
some
prevalent illnesses like obesity. Change preposition
to some
However
it is possible to prevent these by exercising because we burn lots of calories when we exercising. Add a comma
,However
Therefore
, enhancing sport
facilities Change the noun form
sports
with
no charge should Change preposition
at
implemented
by most Change the verb form
be implemented
of
Change preposition
apply
countries
.
Despite having certain aspects of orientation towards the development of Add an article
the countries
sports
activities, there is a necessary part of making better in folk health
instead
of sports
like informing.This
is because raising people
’s awarenesses about protecting health
aids them to realize their value of life because many illnesses stem from people
’s ignorance like inflammations. These notifications can be implemented by governments , and these can be incentive programs like seminars. If participation
Add an article
the participation
of
these seminars can be obligatory, ignorance about protecting from illnesses will be eliminated.
I agree with the proponents of other methods Change preposition
in
can
be developed for communities’ Correct pronoun usage
that can
health
conditions rather than attaching importance to sports
. This
is because exercising can be done by all type of people
in gym
or park. Add an article
the gym
a gym
However
, if things harmful to health
are banned, it would be definitely effective. To exemplify, it is evident that young children have a tendency to being
obese because of Change the form of the verb
be
fast food
restaurants in many advanced countries like Add a hyphen
fast-food
USA
. Yet, it is possible to alleviate Correct article usage
the USA
this
problem by restricting these restaurants.In this
way, the problem of obesity can be tackled thanks to restrictions.
To sum up,Developing sports
activities for public health
is important to some people
. However
, there are some precautions, such
as raising the awareness of people
to maintain a healthy life. In my opinion, countries should limit unhealthy restaurant chains.Submitted by nilaycarsibasi on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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