Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others ,however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Governments attach importance to public
health
for
the
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apply
show examples
people
to live prosperity. Some
people
claim that the most important part of being a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
person is
sports
and its facilities should improve and increase more than others.
On the other hand
, others say that the way of improving
health
level has other important ways
instead
of
sports
. I agree with these
people
. It can not be denied that doing
sports
and exercise has a massive good impact on our body because these aid us to refrain from
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle. If governments increase the local parks or gyms ,
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
will
be emerged
Change to the active voice
emerge
have emerged
show examples
because free things attract
people
more.To exemplify,
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle leads
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
prevalent illnesses like obesity.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
it is possible to prevent these by exercising because we burn lots of calories when we exercising.
Therefore
, enhancing
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
no charge should
implemented
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be implemented
show examples
by most
of
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apply
show examples
countries
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the countries
show examples
. Despite having certain aspects of orientation towards the development of
sports
activities, there is a necessary part of making better in folk
health
instead
of
sports
like informing.
This
is because raising
people
’s awarenesses about protecting
health
aids them to realize their value of life because many illnesses stem from
people
’s ignorance like inflammations. These notifications can be implemented by governments , and these can be incentive programs like seminars. If
participation
Add an article
the participation
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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these seminars can be obligatory, ignorance about protecting from illnesses will be eliminated. I agree with the proponents of other methods
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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be developed for communities’
health
conditions rather than attaching importance to
sports
.
This
is because exercising can be done by all type of
people
in
gym
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the gym
a gym
show examples
or park.
However
, if things harmful to
health
are banned, it would be definitely effective. To exemplify, it is evident that young children have a tendency to
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
obese because of
fast food
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
restaurants in many advanced countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. Yet, it is possible to alleviate
this
problem by restricting these restaurants.In
this
way, the problem of obesity can be tackled thanks to restrictions. To sum up,Developing
sports
activities for public
health
is important to some
people
.
However
, there are some precautions,
such
as raising the awareness of
people
to maintain a healthy life. In my opinion, countries should limit unhealthy restaurant chains.
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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