IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others ,however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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Governments attach importance to public
health
Use synonyms
 for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to live prosperity. Some
people
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 claim that the most important part of being a
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 person is
sports
Use synonyms
 and its facilities should improve and increase more than others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others say that the way of improving
health
Use synonyms
 level has other important ways
instead
Linking Words
 of
sports
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. I agree with these
people
Use synonyms
. It can not be denied that doing
sports
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 and exercise has a massive good impact on our body because these aid us to refrain from
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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 lifestyle. If governments increase the local parks or gyms ,
active
Correct article usage
an active
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 will
be emerged
Change to the active voice
emerge
have emerged
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 because free things attract
people
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 more.To exemplify,
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle leads
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
 prevalent illnesses like obesity.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 it is possible to prevent these by exercising because we burn lots of calories when we exercising.
Therefore
Linking Words
, enhancing
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities
with
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at
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 no charge should
implemented
Change the verb form
be implemented
show examples
 by most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
Add an article
the countries
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. Despite having certain aspects of orientation towards the development of
sports
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 activities, there is a necessary part of making better in folk
health
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instead
Linking Words
 of
sports
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 like informing.
This
Linking Words
 is because raising
people
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’s awarenesses about protecting
health
Use synonyms
 aids them to realize their value of life because many illnesses stem from
people
Use synonyms
’s ignorance like inflammations. These notifications can be implemented by governments , and these can be incentive programs like seminars. If
participation
Add an article
the participation
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of
Change preposition
in
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 these seminars can be obligatory, ignorance about protecting from illnesses will be eliminated. I agree with the proponents of other methods
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be developed for communities’
health
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 conditions rather than attaching importance to
sports
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because exercising can be done by all type of
people
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 in
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
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 or park.
However
Linking Words
, if things harmful to
health
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 are banned, it would be definitely effective. To exemplify, it is evident that young children have a tendency to
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
 obese because of
fast food
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
 restaurants in many advanced countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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. Yet, it is possible to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 problem by restricting these restaurants.In
this
Linking Words
 way, the problem of obesity can be tackled thanks to restrictions. To sum up,Developing
sports
Use synonyms
 activities for public
health
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 is important to some
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are some precautions,
such
Linking Words
 as raising the awareness of
people
Use synonyms
 to maintain a healthy life. In my opinion, countries should limit unhealthy restaurant chains.
Submitted by nilaycarsibasi on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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