Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists ,musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #governments #support #artists #musicians #poets #waste #money

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In the temporary world, people who work in the art industry need investment in order to develop.

While

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many inhabitants believe that the government should

alloted

Correct your spelling

allot

these people financially, I personally think that

instead

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of helping

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

musician

Fix the agreement mistake

musicians

show examples

and poets, there are a lot of problems that need the government's investment. Given the financial backing to those who work in

this

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profession is essential to develop

this

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industry. Tourism attracts an enormous of tourists every year and culture and art plays a vital role.

Therefore

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financial support could be the best motivation for those in order to improve and enhance their ability.

Moreover

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, if the art industry develops significantly children who dream of being an artist can overcome the barriers from their parents and society.

However

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, it is indisputable that the money supporting those people is wasteful because there are some social problems that need contribution more

than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

such

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as poverty. Some countries especially developed ones

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

to face with high poverty rate which could lead to a social gap or national debt. Let's take the CY country with the highest homeless and unemployed rate as an example.

While

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there is a huge number of countries

want

Correct pronoun usage

that want

show examples

to invest in a Heritage site, the authority wants to use the money for

supporting

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

fund which helps the poor

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

overcome and make a living to improve their standard. As a ,result the poverty rate declined sharply.

Furthermore

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, financial support could be given to those who are talented in other fields so that the country could change positively.

While

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it is obvious that musicians, artists and poets need a fund to support them, I still believe that there are more things that

also

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need the authority's investment.

Submitted by phuonglan on Sat Mar 27 2021

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task achievement

Expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanation. This will help make your arguments more convincing and clearer.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a consistent and logical progression of ideas across paragraphs. Some transitions between arguments can be more fluid to enhance the readability of the essay.

language

Focus on certain language errors to improve clarity, such as subject-verb agreements, verb forms, and prepositions.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, structuring the argument effectively.

task achievement

You present both sides of the argument and share your own opinion, which is clearly linked to the question prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists ,musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money Discuss both views and give your opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

The modern life is harmful for people asit bring a lot of preasure and reduce the quality of relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

living in big cities is associated with many problems, what are these problems and how can they be tackled?

Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. I strongly believe that the pros far outweigh the cons, and will examine both below.