The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system. In an effort to deal with the health issues involved, some people think the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the core curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Looking at the eating habit and lifestyle, obesity
problem
has been a thing for
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
putting heavy pressure on the healthcare system. In my view, I think we need more than just introducing physical education programs.
Firstly
, it is an undeniable fact that with physical exercise introduced to students, the
problem
with obesity will be acknowledged.
Also
, teaching the student to aware of how much benefits exercise can
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
will be a basic step to solving the
problem
. When students understand the value of exercises
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, they will pass to their family members and the information will travel wider and spread
further
.
Secondly
, exercises alone can't solve the
problem
, it
also
has something to do with other factors like eating habits and sleep cycle, which are responsible for
overweight
Add an article
the overweight
an overweight
show examples
issue.
Therefore
, people need to adjust their eating choices along with fitness workout to achieve a
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
diet. Taking an average amount of sleep is
also
require
Change the form of the verb
required
show examples
for a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, adding physical fitness lessons will improve the health of people greatly.
However
, eating right and having enough sleep should
also
be in control in order to be healthy and active.
Submitted by kimsirimanne on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: