Sports are paid too much for what they do. Discuss

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Sport is an important common thread that binds people together by building a sense of nationalism. So are the players of the game, who are often glamorized for their status and remuneration. Sports stars’ salaries are propagated to be far higher than their contribution.
However
, I would choose to opine a different outlook on the matter. The following essay outlines the reasons for my opinion. Generally, people enviously observe how celebrity sportsmen live in affluence, not realizing the amount of dedicated hard work that has gone into the building of a star. One cannot conveniently fail to think of the rigorous training and focused orientation that each sportsman has gone through.
Moreover
, several years of consistent practice would
also
have put at stake, many crucial aspects of their social and personal lives.
Hence
, a high pay scale seems to be the fairest recompense for their endeavours.
Furthermore
, people in the field of sport are forced to an early retirement
due to
physical limitations that come
up
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with age. To compound, their chance of accidental injuries cannot be
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out. Whatever
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the scenario, sportsmen tend to settle down early in life, thereby decreasing their years of earning considerably.
This
would totally justify their high pay for the reduced number of working years.
To conclude
, payment related to sportsmen has always resulted in resentment in a major sector of the community.
Nonetheless
, in my opinion, analyzing the immense effort and diminished period of work , the payoff to any sports celebrity is fairly defended.
Submitted by Hisham Musthafa on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but lacks thorough development and focus on specific examples to support the main points, resulting in a somewhat incomplete response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately fulfill their functions. However, the logical structure is somewhat inconsistent and the transitions between ideas could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Extreme sports
  • Dangerous
  • Banned
  • Agree
  • Disagree
  • View
  • Definition
  • Popularity
  • Advantages
  • Disadvantages
  • Dangers
  • Personal choice
  • Responsibility
  • Balancing
  • Risks
  • Benefits
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