IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many offenders commit their crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
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It is a commonly known fact that the majority of criminals do not stop after their
first
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 punishment and violate the law again.
This
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 essay will
first
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 suggest that unbearable living
conditions
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 in jails are the primary reasons for
this
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 phenomenon and
then
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 submit reconstruction of the facilities for serving a sentence as the foremost remedy. Living
conditions
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 in the majority of prisons do not foster offenders to improve. Namely, their life dramatically changes as they lack basic amenities,
such
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 as hot water or a private toilet, alongside they are treated in a cruel way by the staff.
For example
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, according to the documentary released recently, a fair number of people, who committed a repeated offence, claim that because of the systematic humiliation and cruelty which they have been witnessing for many years, they did not feel comfortable and saw no alternative perspectives for themselves in the real world. A possible solution would be improving the quality of facilities where sentenced people are supposed to live.
In other words
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, in order to be eager to improve, residents need to have humble, but normal living
conditions
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 and be sure that they are entitled to have food and medical care on time.
For example
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, according to world statistics, there are 50% fewer repeated crimes in those countries where criminals live their normal life on the territory of jails, being restricted only in travelling and some kinds of entertainment. In conclusion, living
conditions
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 in most prisons do not encourage criminals to become
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a
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better member of society and a possible remedy for the prevention of repeated offences might be improving the circumstances in which these people stay.
Submitted by slkmihail on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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