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Band 4

Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? Give your suggestion how to solve it?

#animals #plants #people #time #suggestion
Art
 and
music
 are treated as an integral part of the
world
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 binds us together.
This
 essay will illustrate that how technology has lead to the growth of
this
 industry and why children should devote their time to
art
 and
music
. Modern days technologies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 and
music
 more accessible to
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public. Earlier
art
 exhibitions were held at a particular area only, where only localities could make it but now technology has made
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
 for people from all over the
world
 to participate in online biddings by showcasing talent to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 through
website
Add an article
the website
a website
show examples
.
Similarly
, various techniques in
music
 industries have
also
 been developed in
this
 era where sounds of
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 instrument are adjusted even without playing them,
thus
 making the composition better as compared to the original
one
.
Moreover
, musicians and artist
now-a-days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 upload their
master pieces
Correct your spelling
masterpieces
show examples
 on social media and get
review
Add an article
a review
show examples
 of their work within seconds.
Hence
, considering these factors,
tech-savvy
Add an article
the tech-savvy
show examples
world
 has undoubtedly contributed
growth
Change preposition
to growth
show examples
 of the
art
 and
music
.
Furthermore
, in my opinion, children should not be deprived of learning these subjects at their initial stage of life at school. Without learning conventional
art
 structures, no
one
 would be able to understand the modern
art
 culture in a better way and only schools can make
this
 learning possible for any child. Regarding
music
, various contests are held for students to explore their talent which helps them to understand the level where they stand.
Therefore
, time to these subjects should be allotted as per
pupil’s
Correct article usage
the pupil’s
show examples
 need and as per area of interest where he wants to pursue his career, rather than pushing him with the rest of the crowd as no
one
 knows that these teachings at
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 level might lead to record-breaking contribution worldwide. To conclude, I would say, that
art
 and
music
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 hand in hand in our society and
one
 should consider them as basics learning needs of any individual. With modern technology and constant learning,
one
 can make wonders by leading to
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
show examples
 innovations.
Submitted by navpreet3008 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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