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Band 4.5

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals
People have different views about whether all wild
animals
 should be well preserved or just a few.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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a
Remove the article
apply
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well
Change the adverb
good
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 protection for wildlife could reduce the impact
from
Change preposition
of
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 human activities, I do
believed
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believe
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 that a healthy environment should not be bothered
from
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by
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 and we can only
safe
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save
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 a few
exticted
Correct your spelling
excited
extinct
animals
 for the natural balance.
To begin
 with, it is believed that all wild
animals
 should be protected because their living environment
had
Wrong verb form
has been
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 damaged
from
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by
show examples
 human activity. Many kinds of wild
animals
has
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have
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 found
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 to find
a suitable habitats
Correct the article-noun agreement
a suitable habitat
suitable habitats
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 to live
or
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in or
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 to search
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 food they need. It is undeniable that the decreasing population
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some wild
animals
 are
caued
Correct your spelling
caused
 by human activity as more and more forests and water
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been polluted and
destory
Correct your spelling
destroyed
destroy
.
Therefore
, some people think that all wild
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 should be well preserved as
theire
Correct your spelling
their
 habitat and food resources are decreasing.
On the other hand
, I do believe that only a few
animals
 should be preserved when it potential impact on the
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Some sort of wild animal could be a sign of the environmental damage, it could be a potential threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 if they are exticted. Take
an
Correct article usage
the
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 example of
polar
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the polar
a polar
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bear
Fix the agreement mistake
bears
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, many conservationists try to protect them, not only to save the
reducing
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reduced
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 number of them but
also
the
Correct word choice
because the
show examples
 melting ice of their habitat have
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 the
increasing
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increase
show examples
of
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in
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 sea
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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. We are all part of
ecosystem
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the ecosystem
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 on earth, the wildlife nature should be well balanced from all creatures and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should protect those rare precious creatures. In conclusion,
although
 many people think that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should protect all the wild
animals
 because we
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
ocuppied
Correct your spelling
occupied
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
places from them. From the environmental perspective, I do
believed
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that only
Correct article usage
a fewer
show examples
fewer
Replace the word
few
show examples
 wild
animals
 should be protected.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay to ensure clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response by addressing both views more thoroughly and offering a clear opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
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