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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Due to
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of technology
people
 are
keen
Replace the word
keenly
show examples
 interested in learning new
things
 which enhance their knowledge or skills. Nowadays masses want to know about every field some
people
 thinking scientific,
business
 or
acedmic
Correct your spelling
academic
 world
share
 their prominent
information
 with
people
 but
others
 thought it
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 not good for successful persons because some
things
 are very valuable. I will discuss both the
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 and my own opinion in the upcoming paragraph.  Admittedly, in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era individuals have enough
things
 to establish their
business
 or
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
things
 if they grasp the knowledge about the formula of
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
business
 or about any research
then
 it will helpful for them.
Furthermore
, in
this
 competitive era, crimes
are merge
Change the verb form
are merged
are merging
show examples
 day by day if
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 know about the success of
key
Correct article usage
the key
show examples
then
 they
diverate
Correct your spelling
divert
diverse
 their whole
concernatation
Correct your spelling
concentration
 on their
things
 and expand their
business
. if the masses have
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about the research they will give suggestion and generate new ideas.
For instance
,
last
 year York university
done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
has done
show examples
 a survey about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sharing
information
 with
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
then
 80%
student
Change preposition
of student
show examples
 agree with
this
 thought because they said if they had
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about the innovation
then
 they get
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 with that. Only 20%
student
Change preposition
of student
show examples
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with
this
 notion. On
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another hand, key of
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 is something different with
others
 and make you a star, if the
business
 ,
scienctic
Correct your spelling
scientific
 or
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
 world
share
 their
information
 with
others
 may be
people
 use
this
 in
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
a wrong
show examples
 way because if
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
information
 leak with students
then
 they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 attend the classes they already have notes about their
examine
Replace the word
exam
show examples
 syllabus they
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 learn only that
things
 which
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 professor suggest them. It is not good for them because they
studies
Change the verb form
study
show examples
 whole year
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 enhance their skills, ability or so no if have
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about particular
thimgs
Correct your spelling
things
thing
then
 they never get
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 in their life. Scientific
information
 is the most secret
information
 because some research
are fails
Change the verb form
fails
show examples
sometime
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
dur
Correct your spelling
due
 to
minor
Add an article
a minor
the minor
show examples
 mistake they have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect. If the valuable knowledge
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
share
Add the particle
to share
show examples
 with everyone
then
 they make their own weapons which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very dangerous.
For instance
,
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 Coca Cola company cannot
share
 their formula, how they make the Coca Cola. Now they are the most famous
famous
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
drink in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
, according to my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 they haven't
share
information
 with
others
 because
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own mind they can generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
things
 which are more beneficial for
people
 if scientific or
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 give
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about their success
then
 they are stick on some ideas.
Submitted by varinder on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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