IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
Supermarket
 chains have been improving for decades. It can be seen that many
supermarkets
 are opened in every part of
Add an article
a place
show examples
place
Change the noun form
places
show examples
 like both cities and village.
Therefore
, small traditional businesses are confronted by negative consequences because many
people
 choose to shop in
supermarkets
 rather than these.Some
people
 say that the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 demands of local business’ will cause the elimination of local communities.
I’am
Correct your spelling
I'm
 of the opinion that the aforementioned situation about
supermarkets
 has
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 good impact on local society. It is evident that there are reasons why
supermarkets
 are chosen by customers rather than traditional markets.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 reason is
supermarkets
 offer
customer
Add an article
the customer
show examples
 to
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
products
 because of strong commercial connections
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad .In
this
 way, traditional businesses lose their sales force because many of them cannot reach these
products
 .
This
 is because many different
products
 are exported from advanced countries like Holland or
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 , and these countries ignore small business.Another reason is that advertising enhances their brand values in
supermarkets
.
Generally
Add a comma
,Generally
show examples
 traditional shops can not allocate money for
this
 because
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 budget limited for
this
sector
.To exemplify,In Turkey, we can see that the brand of Migros advertisements on tv or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media applications.
Therefore
, they have a chance to attract more prospective clients. For the local communities, they can benefit from
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
show examples
sector
 because
this
sector
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job opportunities.
This
 chance stems from these markets’ workers needs because they have lots of section like
case
Add an article
the case
a case
show examples
, store,
products
, transportation.
Moreover
, if
supermarkets
 increases, they give a franchise to
people
. In
this
 way, they can have their own workplace.
For instance
,
wallmark
Correct your spelling
hallmark
will mark
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 popular
supermarket
 in China.Many locals say that
this
 brand offers us
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force ,and
also
 being boss in own store with pay a little bit money for the trademark of
wallmark
Correct your spelling
hallmark
. It is worthwhile to note that local farmers can benefit from
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
show examples
sector
 because many of them buy fresh vegetables from them.In
this
 way, manufacturing in the field of agriculture will rise. To sum up, the power of
supermarkets
’ in
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of
products
 and advertising leads to
elimination
Correct article usage
the elimination
show examples
 of traditional business.
However
, local society can make use of its opportunities like
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
sector
.Attaching importance to using these occasions falls to domestic
people
.
Submitted by nilaycarsibasi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: