IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
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Supermarket
Use synonyms
 chains have been improving for decades. It can be seen that many
supermarkets
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 are opened in every part of
Add an article
a place
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place
Change the noun form
places
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 like both cities and village.
Therefore
Linking Words
, small traditional businesses are confronted by negative consequences because many
people
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 choose to shop in
supermarkets
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 rather than these.Some
people
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 say that the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 demands of local business’ will cause the elimination of local communities.
I’am
Correct your spelling
I'm
 of the opinion that the aforementioned situation about
supermarkets
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 has
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 good impact on local society. It is evident that there are reasons why
supermarkets
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 are chosen by customers rather than traditional markets.
Linking Words
First
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The first
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 reason is
supermarkets
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 offer
customer
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the customer
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 to
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
products
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 because of strong commercial connections
with
Change preposition
apply
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abroad .In
this
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 way, traditional businesses lose their sales force because many of them cannot reach these
products
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 .
This
Linking Words
 is because many different
products
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 are exported from advanced countries like Holland or
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 , and these countries ignore small business.Another reason is that advertising enhances their brand values in
supermarkets
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.
Generally
Add a comma
,Generally
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 traditional shops can not allocate money for
this
Linking Words
 because
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 budget limited for
this
Linking Words
sector
Use synonyms
.To exemplify,In Turkey, we can see that the brand of Migros advertisements on tv or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media applications.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they have a chance to attract more prospective clients. For the local communities, they can benefit from
Use synonyms
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
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sector
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 because
this
Linking Words
sector
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offer
Change the verb form
offers
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 them
to
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apply
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job opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 chance stems from these markets’ workers needs because they have lots of section like
case
Add an article
the case
a case
show examples
, store,
products
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, transportation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
supermarkets
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 increases, they give a franchise to
people
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. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can have their own workplace.
For instance
Linking Words
,
wallmark
Correct your spelling
hallmark
will mark
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 popular
supermarket
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 in China.Many locals say that
this
Linking Words
 brand offers us
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 force ,and
also
Linking Words
 being boss in own store with pay a little bit money for the trademark of
wallmark
Correct your spelling
hallmark
. It is worthwhile to note that local farmers can benefit from
Use synonyms
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
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sector
Use synonyms
 because many of them buy fresh vegetables from them.In
this
Linking Words
 way, manufacturing in the field of agriculture will rise. To sum up, the power of
supermarkets
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’ in
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
 and advertising leads to
elimination
Correct article usage
the elimination
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 of traditional business.
However
Linking Words
, local society can make use of its opportunities like
job
Correct article usage
the job
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sector
Use synonyms
.Attaching importance to using these occasions falls to domestic
people
Use synonyms
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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