IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #person #phone #access #internet #money #unemployment
Unemployment is an old issue that has affected each of us at a certain point in our lives.
Although
 many
people
 claim that the greatest way to get rid of
this
 problem is providing a cell phone and internet to every individual without employment, I think that better alternatives can be enforced. On one hand, supplying a
person
 with a cell phone would inherently keep that individual informed about new job opportunities that are being posted on the web. It is widely known that nowadays there is little prospect of finding a job without having an online curriculum vitae or being constantly checking job websites.
For instance
, studies show that 90% of the
people
 who are being currently hired by a formal company, the hiring process has been merely conducted through
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Hence
 having connected a
person
 without work to the world wide web, would assure the lessen of unemployment rates.
On the other hand
, the previous solution mentioned may cause adverse effects due to arbitrary behaviours, since not everybody might use the device for the same purpose.
For example
, some
people
 may while away superfluous hours scrolling their feeds on social media or playing games, which would make very little to tackle their joblessness problem.
Moreover
, nobody can assure the
person
 receiving the phone is not going to sell it or lose it.
Thus
, providing an excellent internet connection to public places
such
 as the local library might be a better option.
Therefore
, giving a cellphone to every jobless
person
 is not the ideal solution. To conclude, though I agree that offering a telephone with access to the web to unemployed
people
 would entirely help to end up their critical situation, I think that
this
 might cause unfavourable results.
Submitted by jessicalorenagonzalezb on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: