IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend positive or negative effects on the society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today, there is a higher proportion of older
people
Use synonyms
 among the entire population in the world. Some believe that
this
Linking Words
 will exert a favourable influence on the nation, while others disagree. Its pessimistic effects outweigh its positive ones. No one can deny that older folk might be helpful in several aspects. The senior population will choose to postpone retirement and extend their working life, and their experience and wisdom are regarded as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable asset to the whole society. Longevity enables them to retain their posts, in which they normally have expertise. They are able to impart their knowledge and skills to the younger
people
Use synonyms
 as consultants.
For example
Linking Words
, senior managers tend to teach junior colleagues how to manage a company.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the elder always helps to keep eye on the grandson\ granddaughter. sometimes they do the chores to save their children's time, they have time to what they what do. Yet, senile persons would some help for society and family, at the same time they may put exert on medical costs. Eldy
people
Use synonyms
 are prone to health problems
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, arthritis. They will result in financial strains on their family members.
besides
Linking Words
,they
also
Linking Words
 concerning the unfavourable effects on society. several aged
people
Use synonyms
 will lead to a shortage of workforces.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will
also
Linking Words
 go a long way towards creating high tension for the country.
Submitted by 1339232976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: