IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. _ What is your opinion about this?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult #_
Curfew
 is one of the most controversial law enforcement action in American democratic society. In some areas of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
curfews
 are imposed to restrict
teenagers
 outdoor unless accompanied by an adult.
This
 essay will give reasons behind imposing
curfews
 and give an explanation to justify them. Due to the
safety
 reasons of
teenagers
,
curfews
 are imposed. Young
teenagers
 are vulnerable to joining gangs and being involved in
gun
 violence in late hours. It is because American
gun
 laws are flawed and buying guns
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 the streets is easy. Having a
gun
 at
disposal
Correct pronoun usage
your disposal
show examples
 makes
gun
 violence easy to commit, in which
teenagers
 lives are at risk.
For example
,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 have the highest per capita
gun
 violence in the world in which
teenagers
 are involved. Overall, Imposing
curfew
Correct article usage
a curfew
show examples
 in times when violent crimes are committed is beneficial to the
safety
 of the involved. Another reason is
health
, young
teenagers
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to involve in
drug related
Add a hyphen
drug-related
show examples
 crimes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after school hours. Consuming illicit substances derails
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health
 of underage kids and leads them to more crime and illegal activities. According to the one study by Harvard University’s medical college suggests that teenager involving
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 illegal drug consumption have lower
health
 statistics compare to controlled group. In short,
Health
 is one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 for growing kids which justifies imposing
curfews
 late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
. In conclusion,
this
 essay explained why in some areas of us imposing
curfew
 is a necessity.
Health
 and
safety
 reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
teenagers
 make it essential in a sense. My opinion about
curfew
 is positive and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should impose them wisely and improve
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and
safety
 of its young citizens.
Submitted by zenil9414 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: