IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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Benefits
Correct article usage
The benefits
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 of good health are not only limited physically
,
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but,
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 it
also
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 includes mental benefits. Due to
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 working schedule and
Correct your spelling
overtime
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overtimes
Add a comma
,overtimes
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 many
workers
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 don’t get enough physical activity in their routine and it results in many health problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore reasons behind working people not getting enough
exercise
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 and will suggest some solutions. There
are
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is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of causes which lead to not getting enough
exercise
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.
Firstly
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,
lack
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 results in insufficient
exercise
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. It is because many workplaces require regular
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
 and they
also
Linking Words
 look after
family
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the family
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 in their free
time
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.
Lack
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 of
time
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 is
main
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the main
show examples
 reason which leads to
lack
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 of
exercise
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 in
working class
Add a hyphen
working-class
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 citizens.
Secondly
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,
Lack
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 of physical activity at
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workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for
workers
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 not getting enough
exercise
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. It is because most workplaces are automated and have lifting
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, which require little
Correct your spelling
or
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of
Correct your spelling
or
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 no physical stress to be put on employees. Overall,
lack
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 and physical activity at
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workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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 are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reasons for
workers
Use synonyms
 missing their required
exercise
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. There are many solutions which can be suggested to address
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, requesting employers to rearrange
schedule
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the schedule
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, which will allow
workers
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 to get more free
time
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. It will help them to get more
time
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 to go
gym
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to gym
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 and yoga classes.
Secondly
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, arranging workout
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 at the
workplace
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 can
also
Linking Words
 solve insufficient
exercise
Use synonyms
 problems.
Workers
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 can do
quick
Add an article
a quick
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 workout before or after their work without wasting commute
time
Use synonyms
. To summarize, getting more
time
Use synonyms
 for
exercise
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 and arranging
exercise
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 at
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 can solve
lack
Use synonyms
 of
exercise
Use synonyms
 problem for
workers
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. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay explained why working people do not get enough
exercise
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 and suggested some solutions. Getting enough
exercise
Use synonyms
 will solve most of their non-genetic health problems and will improve their quality of life.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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