IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #illnesses #lifestyles #diets #health #care
It is often claimed that individuals who indulge in unhealthy eating and poor nutrition habits should finance their
health
care
 provision at a higher rate.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement. Reasons to support my opinion will be stated in the
next
 paragraphs.
Firstly
, primary
care
 is a fundamental right that has to be equally provided to everyone regardless of their age, economic status, or lifestyle.
Therefore
,
health
care
 systems should not be considered as a financial sector
that is
 in a race to get the best income possible, but as a sector that serves the community and saves lives.
Thus
, governments should enforce regulations in the medicare sector that assure the proper and equal treatment to all of their citizens when it is relating to their
health
.
Secondly
, governments can develop better strategies to combat the issue of having detrimental lifestyles and malnutrition habits.
For instance
, raise awareness of the issues that the lack of fitness habits can cause.
That is
 to
say
Add a comma
,say
show examples
 if
people
 gain insights regarding their deteriorating life conditions it will entirely lead to a broad range of changes in their lives. Another example might be assuring everybody has food served at their tables.
For example
, In many developing countries, a large number of
people
 in certain areas do not have enough resources to feed their families,
thus
, an unstable diet directly affects their immune system leading to future illnesses.
Subsequently
, the fewer
people
 are sick, the less money is spent on the
health
 system. In a nutshell, though many
people
 agree that economic contributions to the
health
care
 system might be based on each individual's diet style, I think that
health
 is a basic human right that should be evenly provided along with accurate strategies for
further
 development in
people
's
health
.
Submitted by jessicalorenagonzalezb on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burden
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • personal responsibility
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • ethical considerations
  • penalizing
  • discrimination
  • socio-economic groups
  • deterrent
  • health education
  • financial penalties
  • health inequalities
  • access to healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health goals
  • promoting healthy lifestyles
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