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Band 5

Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Therefore, the number of elders is expected to exceed that of young people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#medicine #people #elders #development
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The elderly population of the world are increasing and anticipated to go beyond the young generation because of advanced medicine which is available in the market. There can be
myriad
Correct article usage
a myriad
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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pros and cons
as a result
 of
this
 phenomenon. Biotechnology and robotics are spearheading medical improvements at present. To being with, most of the critical illnesses to which the
elders
 are at risk of being exposed
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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have early detection mechanism and medicine so that the catastrophic results can be avoided.
Secondly
, it gives them to live and enjoy retirement life with their children with peace.
In addition
 to
this
, the families of the
elders
 don't have to get
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 uncessassary debts to save their
elders
.
Finally
, these improvements help a neo family unit to have a smooth work-life balance at home. The increase of the elderly community can challenge the progression of young adults in many ways.
Firstly
, when they live longer ends up extending their retirement.
For example
, the government sector which allows a person to work as long as they deem fit will see an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the elderly carder.
Furthermore
,
this
 will block career advancement and
also
 the new creative ways of thinking from coming into the workplace which can disturb the existent of some companies.
Moreover
, due to these ,instances the relationship and the camaraderie of
elders
 and young will be lost without a doubt. In conclusion, even though there can be advantages which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good for the retirement life of
elders
 the drawbacks and the effects it will have on the future of young people can be devastating and it outweighs the advantages clearly.
Submitted by suhithakarunanayake on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • longevity
  • geriatric population
  • intergenerational
  • volunteering
  • medical advancements
  • economic contribution
  • cultural perspective
  • healthcare expenditures
  • age-friendly
  • ageism
  • public policies
  • demographic shifts
  • economic stability
What to do next:
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