Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Therefore, the number of elders is expected to exceed that of young people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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The elderly population of the world are increasing and anticipated to go beyond the young generation because of advanced medicine which is available in the market. There can be

myriad

Correct article usage

a myriad

show examples

Change preposition

apply

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pros and cons

as a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

phenomenon. Biotechnology and robotics are spearheading medical improvements at present. To being with, most of the critical illnesses to which the

elders

Use synonyms

are at risk of being exposed

Fix the infinitive

apply

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have early detection mechanism and medicine so that the catastrophic results can be avoided.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it gives them to live and enjoy retirement life with their children with peace.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, the families of the

elders

Use synonyms

don't have to get

in to

Join the words

into

show examples

uncessassary debts to save their

elders

Use synonyms

Finally

Linking Words

, these improvements help a neo family unit to have a smooth work-life balance at home. The increase of the elderly community can challenge the progression of young adults in many ways.

Firstly

Linking Words

, when they live longer ends up extending their retirement.

For example

Linking Words

, the government sector which allows a person to work as long as they deem fit will see an increase

Change preposition

show examples

the elderly carder.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

will block career advancement and

also

Linking Words

the new creative ways of thinking from coming into the workplace which can disturb the existent of some companies.

Moreover

Linking Words

, due to these ,instances the relationship and the camaraderie of

elders

Use synonyms

and young will be lost without a doubt. In conclusion, even though there can be advantages which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

good for the retirement life of

elders

Use synonyms

the drawbacks and the effects it will have on the future of young people can be devastating and it outweighs the advantages clearly.

Submitted by suhithakarunanayake on Fri Apr 09 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

longevity
geriatric population
intergenerational
volunteering
medical advancements
economic contribution
cultural perspective
healthcare expenditures
age-friendly
ageism
public policies
demographic shifts
economic stability

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Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Therefore, the number of elders is expected to exceed that of young people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Creative artists should always be given freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all thier time and attention for a qualification

Social media has completely changed the way family and friends communicate with each other. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?