Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays

children

-oriented advertising is a heated debate among the general public as some people insist it should be banned to avoid the potential negative influences on

children

. In my opinion, I partially agree with that statement since

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

immoral and inappropriate advertising should be banned,

however

, advertising can be sometimes beneficial to

children

. There is no doubt that the

aimed at

children

have negative impacts obviously.

Firstly

, it is difficult for

children

to judge whether the

is true or false since the

children

are too immature to resist the temptation of commercials.

Secondly

, the

targeted at young people

are

Change the verb form

show examples

definitely designed to attract

children

’s attention which distracts them from their studies.

As a result

, it will lead to

Remove the article

apply

show examples

poor academic performance. What’s worse, some products are harmful to

children

’s health.

For example

, there are more fast foods

like the fried chicken and ice cream, contain high amounts of sugar and fat, which leads to obesity among

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation. Admittedly,

however

children

-oriented advertising

also

can be beneficial for

children

sometimes.

To begin

with , they provide some useful information for parents to enable them to make wise decisions when they need to choose products for their

children

Also

, some advertising campaigns aimed at

children

can be both commercialized and educated

such

as healthy foods and intelligence games. In conclusion, it is not advisable to ban all advertising of

children

’s products, but

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

inappropriate advertising should be forbidden for the purpose of reducing the negative influence on

children

Submitted by yaoyaoliu611 on Tue Apr 13 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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