Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?

#people #computers #hindrance #help

While some people opine that

computers

have greatly improved human capability, others think the exact opposite as they consider it as a hindrance. I believe

computers

have a detrimental effect on our lives due to their

over involvement

Add a hyphen

over-involvement

show examples

especially in case of the teenagers.

To begin

with, one of the main reason why these technologies are affecting us because children utilize them for entertainment purposes which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

mainly playing online

games

with the help of

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

As a result

this

would make them less interested to play outdoor

games

which greatly deprives them mentally as well as physically fit.

Secondly

, some high definition computer

games

involve violence which obviously affects their mental growth and encourages them to do

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bad things in reality. There are many cases around the world

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

shows us that

such

kinds of video

games

could disturb a child's mind.

In addition

, these

high end

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high-end

show examples

machinaries

Correct your spelling

machineries

are widely exploited by children in

adoloscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

to watch vulgarity which is easily accessible in

this

modern era.

Instead

of being a help for the growth of the generation, these types of toxic

multimedias

Correct your spelling

multimedia

actually

destroys

Change the verb form

destroy

show examples

their career by making them do things which are not real.

For example

, website like the

You tube

Correct your spelling

Youtube

show examples

which is accessible through

computers

should come up with some regulations in order to control the spreading of

negaitve

Correct your spelling

negative

aspects through their site. There are many other sites

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

Change the verb form

show examples

videos with

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of refinement and

as a result

of these,

computers

are

also

blamed along with it. To conclude, in my opinion,

computers

are causing extreme damage to our society especially in

younger

Add an article

the younger

show examples

generation which could create many problems in the future.

Consequently

, in the long

run

Add a comma

,run

show examples

it could affect not only a country but

also

the whole world. News rules and regulations have to

introduced

Change the verb

introduce

show examples

and implemented by the government.

Submitted by Ashith on Tue Apr 13 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend Do you agree or disagree?

You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: give details of the job explain why it is important to you suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to? What are some possible solutions?