IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
Some
people
 experience health problems
as a result
 of little or no exercise during their free
time
 or in their working
time
.
This
 essay would examine the reasons and solutions for following
this
 trend due to their lack of
time
 management while taking care of their own body. One of the main reason for the lack of exercise is because working
people
 are less bothered about their physical health as their body tends to show the symptoms only when they become older.
As a result
, even if they get enough free
time
, they would be interested in partying and other social activities which includes junk food and alcohol.
Furthermore
, due to the immense job pressure that they have to face in their work, it would leave them with only
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
time
 and
consequently
, they would end up with serious heart diseases and other health issues.
People
 in the IT field are the common victims of
this
 lifestyle as it involves minimal physical activity. In order to solve
this
 issue,
people
 have to make strong decisions to organise their life which includes early
wake up
Join the words
wake-up
show examples
, avoid
late night
Add a hyphen
late-night
show examples
 sleeping, completing all the works at the office to manage
time
 for exercising and consuming healthy food. Implementing
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle to the daily routine would create a drastic change in each one's life , by making
mentally
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 and
physical
Replace the word
physically
show examples
stable
Replace the word
stability
show examples
.
Moreover
, the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 management
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to introduce a
30 minute
Add a hyphen
30-minute
show examples
 session for their employees to get involved in some kind of physical activity.
For example
, multinational companies like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Apple and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Google have put forward many activities which make their workers energetic for the whole day which would eventually improve their creativity and thinking level. To conclude, the main causes for the lack of exercise is because of the inadequate timing and bad lifestyle that they follow
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days,
however
, it could be resolved by implementing concrete decisions to follow healthy habits and introducing new programs by the corporates to encourage their
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
 physical life.
Submitted by Ashith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: