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Band 4

In developing countries, some people believe that their government should introduce new technology to people in order to improve their quality of life. Others believe that offering free education would be more advantageous in the long term. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #government #technology #quality #life #education #term
The group of persons reckon that the ruling authority should come up with the latest
technology
 for us to escalate our way of
life
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive direction
whereas
 other masses believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide
education
 free of cost to everyone which is a more positive development in the long term vision for the progressing countries. I gravitate towards the idea of providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and explain my prospects with suitable examples in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
introducing new
technology
, which improves
people
's
quality
 of
life
 is one of the ideas for only the wealthiest
people
, and poverty-stricken
people
 do not find any benefits from
such
 development which
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 useless for developing countries.
This
 can be simplified by saying that if the
government
 comes up with the latest
technology
 for their
people
but
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a majority of
people
 unable to cope with these changes because they are in lack
education
. To illustrate, Bihar
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
state of India where
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take steps
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
people
's
quality
 of
life
, but poor
people
 can not benefit from it, and
such
 ideas only help the richest
people
 of the state.
Hence
, the gap between
Correct article usage
the
show examples
poor and
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
become
Verb problem
has
show examples
widen
Wrong verb form
widened
show examples
due to
such
 development. On the other side,
In majorities
Correct your spelling
in the majority
show examples
 of underdeveloped countries, nowadays,
education
 is imperative in everyone's
life
. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 provides free
education
then
this
 is an excellent step towards
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 highly literate society and narrowing the gap between poor and rich in future.
In other words
, if more
people
 educate from the free
education
 scheme
then
 economically deprived
people
 can have opportunities to educate themselves.
This
 is exemplified by the
government
 of Kerala provides
education
 free of cost to their
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why the poor
people
 can take benefits from it and make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better for living.
Moreover
,
education
 provides
an opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
an opportunity
opportunities
show examples
 to get employment, and if everyone has a job
then
 without introducing new
technology
people
 can improve their
quality
 of
life
. To recapitulate, For improving
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
quality
 of
life
 can not be achieved only by introducing new
technology
.
However
, It can be achieved by educating
people
 freely would be more beneficial in the long term because if
people
educate
Wrong verb form
are educated
show examples
 enough
then
 they can find a way to live a better
life
 by discovering new
technology
 for the country.
Submitted by jaiminpatel47 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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