IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The use of mobile phone in public places is an antisocial as smoking . Smoking is banned in certain places , so mobile phones should be banned in same way . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#phone #places #phones
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Society is against to use of mobile
phones
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 in public like smoking.
In particular
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areas
Add a comma
,areas
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 the smoking is banned
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that a cell
phone
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 ought to be not allowed in the same way. I totally disagree with
this
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 because smoking injurious to health whereas the mobile
phone
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 is not.
This
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 essay describes why mobile
phones
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 should not be banned, with a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly
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, the main reason for not banning mobile
phones
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 is, it is not as harmful as smoking. Smoking directly affects the lungs of the human body and it causes lungs cancer. When any individual smokes in public areas, not only he/she but
also
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 to the persons present
besides
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 him are to be affected by the smoke of cigarette which reveals the toxic gas;
however
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, the mobile
phones
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 only generate electromagnetic waves which is not so harmful.
Furthermore
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, the mobile
phone
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 is a very important instrument at work as well as in personal life. It is a very crucial device of communication amongst colleagues.
for example
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, if the Account manager wants to announce the meeting date
then
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 he can do
this
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 in just a few seconds with the help of a mobile
phone
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. To communicate with family members only mobile
phones
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 are the best way in recent time.
In addition
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, It is an integral part of human life without
this
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 human life can not be even imagined. Smoking is not important as a mobile
phone
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.
thus
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, there is no need to banned cell
phones
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 in public places. To conclude, I do not agree with banning mobile
phones
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 as it is not injurious to health compared to smoking as well as it is an important thing for them.
Submitted by Shweta kakadiya on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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