The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend

It is undeniable fact that population is upsurging day-by-day and in

this

contemporary

era

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,era

show examples

everyone is so busy in their life that they do not have much time to pay attention to themselves from

hectic

Add an article

the hectic

show examples

schedule

Add the comma(s)

, as a result,

show examples

as a result

they may become the victim of many health disorder one of the most prominent is obesity.

This

essay will

further

substantiate the impacts and reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

digressing trend. To initiate with,

myriad

Correct article usage

a myriad

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of things are involved in the problem. Due to the changing lifestyle of the

people

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,people

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they may indulge in many bad works.

Consequently

,may

engrossed

Change the verb form

engross

be engrossed

show examples

in many

healty

Correct your spelling

healthy

health

disease

Change to a plural noun

diseases

show examples

and they can't able to control being fat. Eating unhealthy may rise to obesity.

For instance

Recent

Correct article usage

a Recent

show examples

survey illustrates

percentage

Add an article

the percentage

show examples

children

who use to eat unhealthy food daily. Almost 90%of youngsters eating street food which directly affects their health.

In addition

this

, sitting for long hours is another the most detrimental cause of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overweight

children

Children

use to see the television and by using

excessive

Add an article

an excessive

show examples

amount of mobile phones may

affects

Change the verb form

affect

show examples

their health. Moving

further

, by using mobile phones for long hours their lifestyle will totally change. Their studying habits are devastating. They are not able to concentrate on their studies

as a result

they will have to face failure in their assignments. Due to

overweight

Add a comma

,overweight

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they can't able to wear

clothers

Correct your spelling

clothes

properly and sometimes they cannot find clothes of their size and they have to face many difficulties. To exemplify, when a

children

Change the noun form

child

show examples

has to go somewhere on any

occassion

Correct your spelling

occasion

by watching other people clothes and

fitnes

Correct your spelling

fitness

feel

Change the verb form

feels

show examples

demotivated owing to suicide etc. To summarise, one should take care of their living standard and he should consume things in

such

a way that it will not create any bad effects because excess of everything is bad.

Submitted by Navneet kaur on Sun Apr 18 2021

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
obesity
caloric intake
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
physical education
nutritious
psychological well-being
self-esteem
socioeconomic
healthcare system
life expectancy
obesity-related complications

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this case? is it a positive or negative development?

Some people think that giving aid to the poor countries has more negative impacts than positive ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?