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Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #sports #lessons #school
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Activating a teenager in his leisure hour
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 increasingly a common issue among certain
demographic
Fix the agreement mistake
demographics
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 society.A vast number of masses vocalise that in order to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 crux fun time should be made an essential part of an institution.
however
Linking Words
 , I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement .
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 who advise adding
athletics
Replace the word
athletic
show examples
 activity time in school give their reason that since many kids are very busy
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to older individuals in
this
Linking Words
 modern globe they are not getting enough space in their lives to do something different which can
be made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them delighted or boost their spirit
thus
Linking Words
 pastime practice should be made as significant as others,
as a result
Linking Words
, it will definitely encourage them to be creative in their life.
for example
Linking Words
, in japan teacher included specific football and cricket classes to foster their mental health .
therefore
Linking Words
 it will be not preposterous to make
this
Linking Words
 sort of class compulsory in
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 lives .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of subjects which are available in the school are very beneficial for youth as without studying
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 they will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to become successful in future.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
show examples
,there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a gazillion of books which are necessary for children in order to learn much significant stuff
such
Linking Words
 as moral values, tradition, history regarding our nation.
To conclude
Linking Words
,I would say every sort of instruction plays a crucial role in their life so there is no chance to mitigate one in order to provide extra
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 to children
although
Linking Words
 the game is
also
Linking Words
 significant if we focus on their health
thus
Linking Words
 it will be not a wrong decision to
made
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 sports reading compulsory.
Submitted by minhaj2001 on

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task response
Provide a clear, specific, and focused response to the task. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and relates to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and connection between ideas. Develop a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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