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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Online education is rapidly increasing in popularity. What has led to this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online learning compared to in-class instructions?

#education #popularity #development #in-class #instructions
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Online learning has become mainstream in our society in recent years. In
this
 essay, the causes of
this
 matter and both advantages and disadvantages will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are a number of reasons that are leading to study via the Internet and
one
 of the most significant is the emergence of technology, to explain in greater detail, these days, students mostly possess and buy their own state-of-the-art devices.
Furthermore
, numerous software and applications contribute to online education. An apt illustration is I heard that my middle school already allowed students, who had their own devices, to study from home three days a week ;
besides
, the IT team of the school already launched a new software, improving the quality of online lessons. On the
one
 hand, there are a lot of merits to studying online and the most crucial
one
 is accessibility. To elaborate
further
, children can adjust and arrange their own schedules as teachers and professors already record videos;
therefore
, learners can watch any time they want.
Moreover
, online learning allows students to study anywhere that can provide them with suitable conditions.
For instance
, my cousin who is now in grade 10 told me that he regularly went to the museum to attend online classes because it was quiet and peaceful, making him more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 and
concentration
Replace the word
concentrated
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
this
 system
also
 brings some drawbacks to learners and the paramount supporting reason is less focus.
Firstly
, minors can be distracted by other websites or games on their computers or phones.
Secondly
, when they feel sleepy and do not focus on the lessons, there is no
one
 that can arouse them or tell them like studying in a classroom. To specifically demonstrate, my cousin told me that when he studied his online courses at the museum which was not hustle and rustle at all, making him feel bored and blue.
Thus
 he had to open some games and play them as he did not want to fall asleep. All in all, it is a fact that online education is dramatically rising and becoming popular because the new generation mostly has their own devices;
as a result
, it benefits their accessibility
while
also
offers
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 drawbacks like distraction.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, make sure to address every part of the prompt with balanced detail and depth for each point, ensuring the ideas are presented in a clear and comprehensive manner.
coherence
For improving coherence, use transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to create a more fluid structure.
task achievement
Adding more specific and diverse examples can support main points better and illustrate them more effectively.
coherence
The essay has a clear and logical structure with well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The writer uses personal examples effectively to illustrate points, which adds to the relatability and credibility of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual learning environment
  • asynchronous/synchronous learning
  • e-learning
  • digital literacy
  • MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses)
  • webinar
  • interactive content
  • distance education
  • course management system
  • learning management system (LMS)
  • cyberlearning
  • pedagogy
  • screen fatigue
  • digital divide
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