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Band 6

Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, others believe that there are other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
Happiness is just a state of mind and a
person
 is solely responsible for it. Nowadays, the majority of
people
 believe that money is an important element for euphoria,
whereas
 others opine
this
 very notion and think there are other ways to find joy.
However
, I support the latter view and the following paragraphs would elucidate both standpoints with apt specimens and justifications.
To begin
 with, in
this
 present time,
people
 find prosperity in the stuff they own, like expensive cars, gadgets and many other things.
For example
, many folks feel satisfied when they spend a good amount of money on buying things for themselves, which eventually gives them a feeling of joy.
In addition
 to
this
, many
people
 feel safe and secure, which is considered to be another form of happiness, when they have good wealth and social status.
Therefore
,
this
 makes it clear that personal contentment is directly proportional to the economic status of a
person
.
On the other hand
, the detractors do not agree with the aforementioned standpoint, because they think that there are other factors that entail
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
person
's enjoyment.
Firstly
, it is believed that one feels happier when he or she is surrounded by their loved ones.
For instance
, a study revealed that the human brain releases a certain fluid when surrounded by
their
Change the word
the
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 family whom they love the most.
Secondly
, the deeds of a
person
 play a vital role in their prosperity because a lot of
people
 feel happy after helping the needy, which gives them a feeling of calm and glee.
Hence
, it becomes apparent that
joyness
Correct your spelling
joy
 depends on other components too.
To sum up
,
although
, both viewpoints have their own significance, yet, it is undeniable that in
this
 ultra-modern age, it depends largely on the wealth factor. In my perspective, it is entirely up to a
person
, how they find happiness because there are so many ingredients
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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available, they just need to look for it.
Submitted by d.khiwani92 on

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task response
Maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay. Ensure that the opinion stated in the introduction is supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs together.
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