IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

1. Very year an increasing number of people suffer from fast food related diseases. The government, therefore, should impose a high tax on fast food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#year #people #food #diseases #government #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While there are enormous advantages of levying higher taxes on junk food to limit its reachability and to curb the growing number of health problems its causing in people, there are significant discernible drawbacks of penalising an industry
instead
 of regulating the norms and quality checks. We strongly disagree with the above-mentioned statement and explicated below are my perspective on the topic. Striking benefits that accrue are the imposition of taxes will prevent the access of a significant percentage of the population to junk food which will directly benefit the health of the masses. It will decrease the market demand for processed eatables and will promote healthy eating in public. To illustrate
this
 the majority of consumption of processed foods is in school and academic institutions. Which is affecting the health of teenagers.
On the contrary
, notable and perceptible disadvantages are to penalise and limiting the financial growth of the domain and the people working in that industry can be a challenge for the governments to tackle.
However
, the introduction of regulations to induce healthy practices will beneficial for both the industry and the consumers. Notwithstanding the fact that the above drawbacks can be transformed into benefits and as a
corollary
Add a comma
,corollary
show examples
 there are alternate ways to tackle the situation
instead
 of targetting a sector. In conclusion, having elucidated the major benefits and drawbacks of imposing higher taxes on fast food companies to curb health-related problems and having presented anecdotal evidence supporting my assertions. It is
also
 recommended that better governance in terms of rules and regulations for the sector.
Submitted by cjsvig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: