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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people buy clothes and choose hair styles according to the latest fashion. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
In the era of globalization, The shape of our outfits transformed. It differs from than past
due to
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 a lot of methods.
However
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, In some nations, individuals purchase
clothes
Use synonyms
 and opt for hairstyles
according to
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 the latest trends. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on
this
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 view. I will illustrate if it has a negative or positive impact.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for
this
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 case.
Firstly
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, a wide range of teenagers are following their celebrities
such
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 as soccer players, musicians and actors.
In addition
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, some wears do not suit the current period. It looks outdated and unfashionable. They believe that they will be bullied by others.
For instance
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, In Gulf countries, the traditional cloth is Dishdasha. When someone follows trends and wears other
clothes
Use synonyms
. They feel that they are inspected by citizens. Ultimately, some dresses do not fit us over time.
This
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 happens
due to
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 excessive washing .
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, I believe that
this
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 has a beneficial impact. It can raise the economy of the country. The individuals will purchase the new outfits.
Moreover
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, there will be a variety of
clothes
Use synonyms
.
This
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 variety can be vibrant with colours.
This
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 can make their day ecstatic. Some fashions are suitable for medical issues ,
thus
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, they fabricate useful wear. One of the sparked trends is the Sketcher shoes. These shoes are light in weight and contain a spongy basis. It is now a viral trend and a wide range of individuals are wearing it. It assisted people especially those who are suffering from pains in their knees.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
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 argument.
However
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, it will depend on the person and what suits him. It
also
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 can help in the future reshape our traditional
clothes
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Some parts of your essay feel a bit disjointed, and it would help to use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your main points are fully supported with relevant details and examples. While you have included some examples, they could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are generally good, but ensure they clearly relate to the main points in your body paragraphs for a more cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
Address the question more directly. You touched on both why this trend is happening and its impacts, but the connections to your points weren't always clear. Try to directly link your points back to the prompt.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding and clarifying your ideas. Some points were mentioned but not fully explained or developed. Ensure each idea is explored in depth.
Task Achievement
Ensure examples you use are specific and clearly linked to your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Structure
Good job on providing an introduction and conclusion. It helps frame your essay and provides a clear start and end for the reader.
Task Achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, which is a good tactic to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides relevant viewpoints for discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trends
  • influencers
  • social acceptance
  • self-expression
  • consumer culture
  • fast fashion
  • ethical implications
  • sustainability
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • garment industry
  • psychological impact
  • creativity
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