IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1.Very year an increasing number of people suffer from fast food related diseases. The government, therefore, should impose a high tax on fast food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While
Linking Words
 there are enormous advantages of levying higher taxes on junk food to limit its reachability and to curb the growing number of health problems
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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causing
Wrong verb form
causes
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 in people, there are significant discernible drawbacks of penalising an industry
instead
Linking Words
 of regulating the norms and quality checks. We strongly disagree with the above-mentioned statement and explicated below are my
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 on the topic. Striking benefits that accrue are the imposition of taxes will prevent the access of a significant percentage of the population to junk food which will directly benefit the health of the masses. It will decrease the market demand for processed eatables and will promote healthy eating in public. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 the majority of consumption of processed foods is in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and academic institutions. Which is affecting the health of teenagers.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, notable and perceptible disadvantages are
to penalise
Change the verb form
penalising
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 and limiting the financial growth of the domain and the people working in that industry can be a challenge for the governments to tackle.
However
Linking Words
, the introduction of regulations to induce healthy practices will
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
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 for both the industry and the consumers. Notwithstanding the fact that the above drawbacks can be transformed into benefits and as a
corollary
Add a comma
corollary,
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 there are alternate ways to tackle the situation
instead
Linking Words
 of targetting a sector. In conclusion, having elucidated the major benefits and drawbacks of imposing higher taxes on fast food companies to curb health-related problems and having presented anecdotal evidence supporting my assertions. It is
also
Linking Words
 recommended that better governance in terms of rules and regulations for the sector.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and relates directly to your argument. This will improve your logical structure.
task achievement
Use simple and clear examples to support your points. This helps make your ideas clearer and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and summarizes your argument. This helps the reader understand what to expect.
task achievement
Add more details to your points to make them more comprehensive. This will strengthen your essay overall.
task achievement
You have identified both pros and cons of the issue, which shows a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well, which helps to wrap up your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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