IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Teenagers should never be put in prison with adults no matter how serious their crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #prison #adults #matter #crime
Keeping youngsters with the adults in lockups has been a debatable issue these days. I strongly agree with the idea that teenagers should be kept separately from adults in prisons due to many reasons. The below paragraphs will discuss reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 agreement. Undoubtedly,
this
 idea of separating major
criminals
 from those who are young can save
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 from being serious offenders. Prisons are not for making
criminals
 more aggressive but, to keep them safe from the outer world that has put them into the situation in which they are seen guilty.
For example
, if we keep young, misguided children from those who are accused of serious crimes, the chances of getting them out of prison as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better person are comparatively higher.
Also
, it might
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
make those young offenders more disciplined than before if they are put with similar age group people who can actually relate to the mental stress they were going through while convicting the crimes.
In addition
, it becomes easier for the officials to maintain balance and discipline in the premises if those two groups of
criminals
 are kept apart. There are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances of any conflicts among the prisoners and of having strict
survillence
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 all the time which can save a great amount of money for the authorities.
In other words
, it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 easy for the police to keep the prisoners safe and secure. Conclusively, putting young
criminals
 in different cells from adults can save the system from having serious
criminals
 in the future which can
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the need
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the putting all the prisons together just to save a little money in many ways.
Submitted by 22295.uk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: