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Band 6.5

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. what are the problems of this? Suggest some solutions

#people #balance #work #part #lives
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Because of the development of technology, the productivity of the workers has increased. While
this
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 has a beneficial impact on the industries, it makes labours devote themselves to working;
therefore
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, they have deprived the
time
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 with family or their hobbies. In the following essay, I would state that there will be a problem to the employees’ mental health and the solution would be using the power of governments.
First
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 of all, by losing
time
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 with happiness or satisfaction and concentrate only on the work, people will lose the objective and hope for their life. As we live with things that we want to experience or some goals, our lives have meaning to live.
However
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, since the workers who only get their workplace and home have less hope to live, they would harm their mental health.
This
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 could be
also
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 explained by the fact that the suicide rate and rate who are depressed is increasing recently.
Second
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 of all, the key thing to improve
this
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 situation might be the cooperation of the government and regulate firms and increase the wages. Because too many people are doing their job in extra
time
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, by regulating the firms that let employees work longer than the limit, it would be efficient to increase the
time
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 with leisure.
Furthermore
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, just cutting the working
time
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 will reduce the income of the labours and that leads to limit their ability to enjoy their life.
Thus
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, the government should set the minimum wage higher than now and save employees who might suffer from poverty. In my conclusion, the problem of lack of balance between job and leisure is a negative impact on the mental health of the workers, and the solution might be to regulate firms to decrease working hours and increase their income.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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