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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that self-employment is better than a job in a company or an institution. Discus both the views and give your opinion.

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More and more people are aiming to become an entepeunier in their life as it provides some with the flexibility they desire. But there have been some who are speculative of
this
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 model and believe that working at a well-established organisation is the way to achieve their goals.To my mind, being self-employed can help someone unlock skills and become more successful in their life.
To begin
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 with, working at a company comes with great opportunities as well as benefits.
Firstly
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, most of the established organizations have a huge amount of cash in their hands to offer extended health benefits which include dental and therapy sessions.
Furthermore
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, they can
also
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 provide employees with bonuses with the money they have based on performance.
Secondly
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, most brands have good market exposure and presence making them highly unsusceptible to
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 crash and prove their employees with stable jobs for a
longer-term
Correct your spelling
longer term
show examples
.
For example
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, in the economic crash of 2008, most of the bigger businesses survived it while the local shops suffered and even had to close indefinitely.
In contrast
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, establishing your own
business
Use synonyms
 and working for it can provide people with a flexible work schedule.
Hence
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, leaving time for their families and personal errands.
For example
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, an individual who has trouble doing a 9 to 5 job because she has to take care of kids can start her own shop in which she has to work at her desired time.
Additionally
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, being the owner of your company, one can decide how the company runs and what the
business
Use synonyms
 wants to sell or produce.
This
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 gives the person greater control of what the
business
Use synonyms
 stands for and revenue distribution. To conclude, self-employment has a risk attached to it but the rewards reaped with it are far greater. Working in one of the well-known
business
Use synonyms
 can be good but it can limit your growth when you reach a certain point whereas leading a successful shop where you are your boss gives you the freedom to achieve your goals.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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