IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that offenders should be put in prison. Others, however, believe that providing offenders with education and training is more effective than putting them in prison. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #offenders #prison #education
In the modern era, some
people
 reckon that if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 provides
criminals
 with educational measures, it would be more effective than putting them in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jail.
On the other hand
, there are some persons who believe in traditional measures and
punishments
. As contraventional as
this
 statement is, we will discuss both views in
this
 essay. But, what do you think? Offenders should be trained or they should be put in prison? In my view, nowadays, we had better provide
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
appropriate training to
criminals
 according to the
crime
 they have committed. Statistics indicate that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals
Add an article
the criminals
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world are young
people
; because of that, I think that if these young offenders
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 learnt, they would be useful for their communication certainly.
On the other hand
, there are
people
 who insist on traditional
punishments
such
 as putting
people
 in prison or executing them. According to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some reports, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
persons
Add an article
the persons
show examples
 who commit a
crime
 have some soluble problems like addiction, poverty, depression and several other issues that can be lead to
crime
. In my opinion, if government consider these issues and provides preventative measures, the rate of
crime
 will decrease in societies. Needless to say, approximately all of
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
punishments
 are aggressive and those offenders who have punished in
this
 way actually when
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
release from prison they will return to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 with
an excessive amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
an excessive amount
excessive amounts
show examples
 of anger. To summarize, learning
criminals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 many advantages despite classic
punishments
. I reckon that it will be more practical that we train lawbreakers
instead
 of putting them in jail.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrent
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Vocational training
  • Retributive justice
  • Reintegration
  • Taxpayers
  • Social isolation
  • Stigmatization
  • Criminal identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Public opinion
  • Societal gains
  • Offenders
  • Imprisonment
  • Cost-effective
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