IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #alot #time #story #books #activities
Many people suggest that
children
 should spend more
time
 on
activities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 beneficial for their future,
such
 as learning a
second
 language or doing a math exercise, rather than reading
story books
Correct your spelling
storybooks
show examples
. In my opinion, I believe that it is important for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
 to have a balance between learning and leisure
activities
. Working takes quite a significant part in an adult’s daily life,
however
, when they get off work, they tend to do a variety of
activities
 to kill
time
. These
activities
 can not only regard as a method to release stress, but
also
 gives them pleasure, or even turn out to be an inspiration to one’s future path.
For example
, some people
enjoys
Change the verb form
enjoy
show examples
 movie so that they can be inspired by the art and figure out the dilemma they're facing.
This
 principle is the same for
children
, while they spend a lot of
time
 learning knowledge from
text books
Correct your spelling
textbooks
show examples
, absorbing a more interesting and imaginative source can increase a
children
’s creativity and even writing skills.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, it is
also
 important to take
children
 outdoors. Working out is a popular trend for people nowadays, they pay more attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their fitness and enjoys outdoor
activities
. So why not let
children
 be close to nature, spend some
time
 hiking or playing basketball. These
activities
 will surely bring comfort to their mental health and
also
 a much more
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
 body. In conclusion, while learning knowledge is
regard
Change the form of the verb
regarded
show examples
 as a more useful activity, reading
story books
Correct your spelling
storybooks
show examples
 or even movies are
also
 indispensable. These two parts are vital components in a
children
’s life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and have a long-term effect on their life.
Submitted by yliitning0123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: