IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #store #internet
In recent times, the Internet has gradually
substitute
Wrong verb form
substituted
show examples
 books for the purpose of knowledge storage.
Although
 I am apprehensive about the
repercussion
Fix the agreement mistake
repercussions
show examples
 accompanied by the benefits, I believe the upside of
this
 trend outweighs the downside. The Internet is advantageous as a major medium of knowledge from various perspectives. First and foremost, people are released from carrying heavy paper books around and
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to access without geographical boundaries anytime from their compact devices.
This
 has a profound impact on pupils, especially those in their formative years, whose physical developments are no
more
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 hampered by the burden on their shoulders.
Also
, with the enormous amount of information available online, it only needs
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 clicks on search tools to precisely locate the citation we are looking for. Wikipedia as a salient example provides the expertise of all fields free to the public.
On the other hand
, the dismissal of printing, binding and distribution of paperbacks though
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
deals
Fix the agreement mistake
deal
show examples
 of time and financial cost contributes to several outcomes. The most evident is the quality of information on websites. The craze of blogs and social media platforms,
for instance
,
lower
Correct subject-verb agreement
lowers
show examples
 the gate for publishing ideas.
While
 publishing books
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 a fortune and only reliable
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 will be invested by a publisher, a lot of web output
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
 reviews and peer checks.
Furthermore
, despite the limitations of a printed book, pirating becomes rampant and erodes the livelihood of academic researchers and creators in all realms. In conclusion,
while
 gaining the conveniences of new media of know-how, the government and the public should be aware of the risk of unfair spreading of illegal and incompetent
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 on networks and take bolder action to protect intelligent property.
Submitted by cuteyedda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the Internet compared to books. Make sure to address both aspects in more depth to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and ensure a logical flow throughout the essay. Additionally, provide more specific examples to support your points and enhance coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: