if teenagers at 14 years old are not good at studying, it’s a better choice for them to leave school and be trained with certain skills to find a job easily.
It’s
argued that if teenagers
at 14 years old are not good at studying, it’s
a better choice for them to leave school
and be trained with certain skills to find a job easily. In my opinion, this
would be wrong. It’s
too early to make a choice about letting 14-year-old teenagers
leave school
. It’s
possible that they cannot excel academically now, but they can be good at studying in the future. They need guidance and direction. In this
case, parents and teachers at school
play important roles in communicating with these teenagers
and helping them to develop progress in study. It’s
necessary to figure out whether the
Correct article usage
apply
teenagers
don’t have the ability to study or if they just put their effort in the wrong place. For example
, some high school
students in China don’t get good scores before the last
year. However
, with personal help provided, they can catch up with top students and go to top universities after Gaokao. Education aims not only to make teenagers
learn academic knowledge but also
to teach them arts and physical health. Nowadays, some teenagers
not being good at studying academic knowledge should not be a problem. They may have talents in arts and sports, which also
need to be valued. For these teenagers
, academic study may not be important, but they can receive help from schools in arts or sports areas. In conclusion, teenagers
at 14 years old shouldn’t leave school
to get other training in order to find a job.Submitted by millstonelee on
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task achievement
To improve the Task Achievement score, you should consider providing more in-depth examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, you mentioned students in China who improve with personal help but could expand on how this personal help is provided systematically.
coherence cohesion
Consider structuring the essay in a way where each paragraph delves into a single point more deeply. For instance, the paragraph on the importance of guidance from parents and teachers could be expanded to give detailed strategies they might use.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each point you introduce in the essay is fully explained and supported by specific examples or evidence. Where you discussed talents in arts and sports, examples of how schools nurture these talents would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, starting with a strong introduction and ending with a well-rounded conclusion.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed the prompt and provided your opinion on the issue, making your position known from the outset.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are generally clear and comprehensive. You have made a compelling argument for why 14-year-olds should not leave school.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite