IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The children who grow up in a family short of money are more capable of dealing with problems in adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #money #adult #life #parents
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Family conditions play a crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
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children
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’s
future
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 and their ability
of facing
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to face
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problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
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. It is sometimes argued that
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who were born in rich
families
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 are not
skillful
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skilful
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 enough to handle
problems
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 in life;
however
Linking Words
, others who had low- or
mid-- income
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mid-income
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families
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 are able to overcome
problems
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 in
best
Add an article
the best
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 way. As far as I am concerned, the
children
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 who were born in poor
families
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 are prepared better to solve the issues of life than others who born in rich
families
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. A child who was born in
family
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a family
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 with a bad financial situation experienced more difficulties to be solved.
This
Linking Words
 is because in most unfortunate
families
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 both parents usually work and do not have enough time to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their offspring’s needs so
this
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 force
children
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 to be more independent and take care of themselves.
Further
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 investigations have been
caried
Correct your spelling
carried
 out on
children
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 with various family conditions which prove that
although
Linking Words
children
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 who were born in rich
families
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 have more educational opportunities to learn better,
children
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 with poor
families
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 show better performance against
problems
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 in their personal lives and get more successful in the
future
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.
Children
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 from richer
families
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 are
little
Correct article usage
a little
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 behind in terms of learning many important skills in childhood in comparison with the mindset of poor
children
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;
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However
Correct your spelling
however
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, they have all the facilities which they need for their education and
future
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. A good illustration for that they are well equipped with all the necessary requirement to start a business or join a job without any trouble;
however
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, they cannot handle
those business
Change the determiner
that business
those businesses
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 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of some skills that they had to learn from their childhood. To sum up,
children
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 who had poor financial conditions for living had to learn more skills that help them in
future
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 to tackle all the issues that they will encounter;
however
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, ones who brought up in rich
families
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 have less experience to solve their
problems
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 in many aspects of life.
Submitted by amiralzde on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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