IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
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There are individuals who believe that criminals would develop volunteer work for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
 rather than be in prison. Currently, there are some countries around the world that
this
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 strategy is an option.
On the other hand
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, a plethora of nations does not echo
this
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 idea. Places with a public prison system depend on the government to direct money to maintain their activities,
such
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 as cooking, cleaning and health appointments.
Therefore
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, from my point of view, I believe that the prisoners with capacity and skills could be chosen for local unpaid tasks.
As a result
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, it could be a way for the public system to pay back the money
that is
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 direct to them and,
consequently
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, the heads of state could use the money to attend to others demands of
society
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.
Besides
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, community work is a path of rehabilitation for those who are in prison, due to the fact that it could be an opportunity to return slowly to
society
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. To exemplify, when an individual is working as a garbage man, he could choose
this
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 occupation in the forthcoming future, when he would not be behind bars.
In addition
Linking Words
, be in contact with the normal life is a manner to keep the mental health of those criminals. As a consequence, when they would be free,
this
Linking Words
 process could be conspicuous easier and they would not feature a querulous demeanour. In conclusion, from my perspective, it is of pivotal importance to bear in mind that working in a community could bring an array of benefits for the criminal and
society
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, as I mentioned above.
Furthermore
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, it could be a way to treat humans beings as they are, despite
of
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their crime, in order to rehab that person to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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 again.
Submitted by psjmario on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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