IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
There are individuals who believe that criminals would develop volunteer work for
the
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apply
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society
 rather than be in prison. Currently, there are some countries around the world that
this
 strategy is an option.
On the other hand
, a plethora of nations does not echo
this
 idea. Places with a public prison system depend on the government to direct money to maintain their activities,
such
 as cooking, cleaning and health appointments.
Therefore
, from my point of view, I believe that the prisoners with capacity and skills could be chosen for local unpaid tasks.
As a result
, it could be a way for the public system to pay back the money
that is
 direct to them and,
consequently
, the heads of state could use the money to attend to others demands of
society
.
Besides
, community work is a path of rehabilitation for those who are in prison, due to the fact that it could be an opportunity to return slowly to
society
. To exemplify, when an individual is working as a garbage man, he could choose
this
 occupation in the forthcoming future, when he would not be behind bars.
In addition
, be in contact with the normal life is a manner to keep the mental health of those criminals. As a consequence, when they would be free,
this
 process could be conspicuous easier and they would not feature a querulous demeanour. In conclusion, from my perspective, it is of pivotal importance to bear in mind that working in a community could bring an array of benefits for the criminal and
society
, as I mentioned above.
Furthermore
, it could be a way to treat humans beings as they are, despite
of
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their crime, in order to rehab that person to
the
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real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 again.
Submitted by psjmario on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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