IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Women should have an equal role alongside men in both police and armed forces. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#women #role #men #police #forces
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often said that both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders should have
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 role and
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in
defence
Use synonyms
 firms and armed
forces
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and support the idea that females should be allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 alongside male candidates.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In the 21st century, every member of the house is expected to
work
Use synonyms
 which will not only benefit self-development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 add to total household income. On that note, If the females are demotivated by not encouraging them to
work
Use synonyms
 on
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 platform as men
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 it sabotages the growth of woman culture.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
women
Use synonyms
 are debarred from participating in
police
Add an article
the police
a police
show examples
 academy and other
defence
Use synonyms
 institutions, it will reduce their development.
Hence
Linking Words
, more efforts should be made for their involvement
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
armed
Correct article usage
the armed
show examples
forces
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, based on the concept of gender equality, every woman is not equal to
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
 in terms of both mental and physical form.
moreover
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 can very well excel
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 duty and tasks assigned to them as compared to man. Based on that, fighting for justice against outlaws and defending the lives of citizens can be very well taken by the
women
Use synonyms
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, night patroling duty by police stations and other
defence
Use synonyms
 organizations can be done both by male and female.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, armed
forces
Use synonyms
 can hire and offer roles to fight against criminal offences. To summarize,
women
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 on equivalent platform and designation on the
defence
Use synonyms
 and armed
forces
Use synonyms
 without any considerable doubts and in my opinion, they should be very well granted equal roles.
Submitted by Aditya Mehta on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: