IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people have to retire at the age 60 or 65. However, some suggest that these people should be allowed to work for as long as they wish. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#people #age #suggest #work #situation
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, when
workers
 become over around 60 years old, they retire their jobs.
Nevertheless
, some
people
 argue that the retirement age should be decided by themselves.
This
 essay examines both sides of
this
 argument and draws the conclusion that the result of
this
 trend is undesirable because of financial and physical reasons. On the one hand, those who are over 60 continue working carries some benefits. One of them is that it would be a solution to
Add an article
the labor
a labor
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 shortage. Since we are facing declining birthrates and
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population issues, overaged
people
 working would be helpful for many companies, contributing to the rise of
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
 population.
This
 results in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tax revenue as well.
Furthermore
, a number of
corporation
Add an article
a corporation
the corporation
show examples
 can save time for education to
workers
. If over 60 years-old
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 working at the same company, the company do not need to teach them how to
work
 as they know about their
work
 well, which allows the other
employee
 to focus on their
work
instead
 of teaching new
workers
.
On the other hand
, the drawbacks of overaged
people
 continue working should be considered.
Firstly
, it would be costly to keep hiring them
instead
 of
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
employee
. Since overaged
workers
 are trained and skilled, companies would need to pay more salary to them than non-skilled
workers
.
Secondly
, there would be some risks that
employee
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 working after 60 years old. As their physical strength would deteriorate with age, they might get hurt at
work
 including manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 from the long-term perspective. In conclusion, while there are some upsides with overaged
people
 keep working, in my opinion, the disadvantages of
this
 trend outweigh the advantages when considering that the downsides may persist in the
longterm
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
Submitted by puffindog101 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: